Mr. Smith Goes To Washington, Sucks

MUSIC +++ FILM +++ SPORT +++ PHOTO +++ LINK +++ POORLY REASONED POLITICAL OPINION AND STUPID JOKE

SPRT
Okay, I know I've already wasted far too much cyberspace -- there's only so much to go around -- talking about the Forty Niners, a franchise wallowing at such a meager fraction of its heyday that it's often mistaken for the Sixers.

But while my judgments to date have been lukewarm -- or a downright refinery blaze, given the facts in evidence -- I have to admit that yesterday's performance can be read much like a Wes Craven starlet running up the stairs.

The worst is this: Alex Smith finally made a mistake.

I don't mean his seventeen interceptions, or his sixty-four fumbles. Given the state of his O-line, his paltry experience, and so on, Smith's only statistical goal should be to keep his quarterback rating off the richter scale.

Thus far Smith, sheltered by Coach Nolan's downy wing, has done swmmingly in the one area that matters: not fucking up the press conference.

In the meantime, this season, and probably next, will be spent learning the NFL game, which, for a twenty-year-old QB, resembles Nelson Mandela entering a Korean Halo tournament. In the meantime, Smith needs to impress his teammates with his toughness -- plenty of opportunity there -- and his smarts and reliability, which in this case means showing up on time and never misplacing his helmet.

Since D-Day, Smith has done all of these things. But yesterday, after a game in which he fumbled three more times (recovering two) Smith made his first misstep. Asked if the drops were a sign he was bothered by Washington's pass rush, Smith replied lamely, "I don't think I was rattled... Obviously, we don't get to choose the game balls. We're on the road. The air's a little different."

Smith -- who is big, has large hands, and was picked partly for his ability to run away from other big people -- has watched his undermanned team dry hump the mat in at least two games this year (counting Week Two in Philly, a 42-3 beating, in that Week Five's twenty-five point loss at home to the Colts was hailed as a moral victory) and has to wonder when the team will assign him a number, instead of the Target logo.

Okay. We'll give the rook something he's had precious few of: a free-and-clear pass. After all, as our great President once said, "Fool me once... shame on...? Shame on you... If you fool me, you can't get fooled again."

But for the sake of the franchise, let's hope the Niners don't schedule any games where the air's REALLY weird.

Like Mars.

Or Denver.

MR

QWTOFDY
"The media is the message."
-Marshall McLuhan