I Don't Believe Me, So Why Don't You Try It

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SPRT
Okay guys and dolls, I'm on vacation in the City That Never Sweeps -- er, Sleeps -- and if I can make it here...

But, as befits a vacation: direct to the point.

This comes as one of those "sources tell me." Or maybe, "you heard it here first."

Now, for the record, I don't believe my sources. I don't believe, myself, what I'm about to tell you. But it is only a couple steps removed from the mouth of the horse.

Roger Clemens will be suspended for steroids.

Remember how they took weeks, probably months, to release Wacky Raffy's Pee Test, until he'd cleared 3,000 hits and one Hall Of Fame induction ceremony? Word from Major League Baseball's legal department is, Clemens has already failed the test, and Selig is already trying to figure out how to make that blue lightning crackle from his fingertips one more time.

Again, I don't believe it. That is, I never thought they'd bust someone that big -- anyone who remembers Clemens hurling Mike Piazza's broken bathead back at a befuddled Piazza knows he's, shall we say, a heck of a competitor. But I never thought they'd reel in a guy like Raffy, either. And better men than I (or so say their income tax returns) say it shall be so.

You're on notice.

Oh, and for those wondering: no, it's not the same sources who insisted Rhenquist would be retiring when the weekend ebbed. But they do know each other.

Inbreds.

MR

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"If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans."
-Mother Teresa