Sebastian Stonacowski

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COW
Okay, so, in case you haven't heard, the economy in formerly fearsome Russia is so bad, apparently even vodka production is waning, where as marajuana growth is, to quote L. L. Cool J, "waxing that ass like Raindance."

Just as dope tycoons here in California have begun a hostile takeover of Sierra National Forest -- ironcally, foiling the overworked tree-huggers policing the Forest to begin with -- rural Russians have been plagued by dealers planting the illicit crop in their large grain fields. After many fields were recently discovered to be overrun with the merry herb, authorities carried out policy by uprooting the lot. Completing the task normally means burning the yield; however, the grain was meant to feed cattle, and without it, the cattle will starve.

What to do? Policemen pondered this question over marathon baking sessions, apparently... because their solution has been to mulch up the grain anyhow, and feed it to the bovines, dank and all.

If these noodleheads really think dosing a half-ton heifer with a double bale of chronic is the best way to keep her from getting hungry, well, they've obviously never hung out with the girls of Kappa Alpha Theta.

MR

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"I don't know -- I've never smoked Astroturf."
-Late Mets hurler Tug McGraw (also father of country crooner Tim McGraw) on whether he preferred grass or Astroturf