Self-Fulfilling Cream of Wheat

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SPRT
More on the Giants.

First, to get a little ass-covering out of the way: my pronouncement of death for the G'ints had mainly to do with the trade deadline. As an un-unbiased unreporter, I now get to say: in this shitey division, they might as well play some ball, sneak into the postseason with eighty-piddle wins, and "trade" for Barry Bonds and Armando Benitez. With Jason Schmidt looking like his dominant self again, and if -- big if -- Bonds sniffs playoffs and peeks out of his gopher hole a month from now, they could get hot and steal a series or more in October.

Next: Kruegergate. (I love how any scandal gets "gate." Because of Watergate, of course. Remember the Republicans trying to pin Whitewater on Clinton? That almost worked for a while. "Water," instead of "gate." Brilliant.)

A synopsis: sportstalk radio host Larry Krueger references the Giants' "braindead Carribbean hitters hacking at slop nightly," and mentions that Felipe Alou's mind is basically "Cream of Wheat." He's been suspended for a week without pay, but Alou wants his head.

Several points here. One: I'm all for not saying stupid racist shit, or at least not on the air, where you run the risk of being taken seriously. But what is so bad about what he said? The only really stupid thing about his statement is the Giants don't have that many Carribbean players. But the slider at the ankles has long been one of their problems -- nightly -- and I don't think even Felipe would argue that.

As for Felipe's Malt-O-Brain, Krueger's statement seems to be the opposite of a self-fulfilling prophecy, bringing about its own falsehood. Felipe, whose stewardship of our dead-fish locals this year recalls the days when the umpire sat twenty feet behind home plate, calling balls and strikes from a rocking chair, has suddenly caught fire, and so has the club. Two days after Krueger's somewhat offensive and largely true comments hit the airwaves, the same team that eked out six runs against the likes of Jamey Wright, Young Bung Kim, and Jose Acevedo -- the Rockies as a whole had been 10-40 on the road, a feat nearly impossible in a game where the best and worst records are separated by one game in three -- tagged Andy Pettitte and Roy Oswalt for seven, twice icing the hottest team in baseball not to rhyme with "Smokeland."

Felipe's line resembles "it's not about the money," a sports axiom famously translated as, "it's about the money." The Old Man and the Bay actually makes a facial expression when Krueger's name comes up, striking down with great vengence and furious anger all those who suggest Krueger's comments have lit a fire under the squad. No, they lit a fire under Felipe, and it went from there. Couple Felipe's ire with the Randy Winn deal, and maybe you've got something -- often any trade, no matter the personnel, infuses a club with new faith and energy (or in some cases, fear that "I could be next") just as teams in any sport post much-improved records when the head coach is fired and replaced, no matter who does the replacing.

To test this theory, I've broken up with my sweet, loving girlfriend and replaced her with a stupid, broke stripper.

We'll see how the team responds.

MR

QWTOFDY
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