She Blinded Me With Science!

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SCI
Well all right! Some news we can sink our teeth into.

A study just published by Swedish researchers (God bless 'em, those Swedish researchers. Esphere de rinky-doo, de hypothalamus!) draws conclusions to indicate the existence of human pheremones. The debate centering on the possible existence of human pheremones has run the gamut in recent years in the scientific community -- and, no joke, in the perfumery community.

But now we have this to back up our own locker-room debates. The sainted Swedish researchers waved some human female underarm sweat under the noses of some males... and don't you wish you'd been there to witness history?... and, through brain imaging, which is different from tie-dye, discovered that the men's smelly-parts stayed calm, but their sexy-parts revved up.

Oh, except -- except for gay men. The gay men, instead, reacted with their ordinary smelly-parts just as women did. Ah, but when you swap the underarm sweat for MALE underarm sweat (or, in some cases, Folgers Crystals) the women's sexy-parts fairly squirt tie-dye, the straight men's stay cool, and as usual, the gay men squirt with the women.

What does this mean? It means if we want to become both rich and famous, we should become Swedish researchers. (Think they hang out with the Swedish Bikini Team? And where does the team swim, anyway, in their delightfully skimpy bikinis, in that snow-bound land? Is their a big Polar Bear Club crossover? Sexy blonde waifs diving through ice with fat, hairy men? And real polar bears, who drink a lot of Coca-Cola?)

It means, first of all, that the gay men aren't just Faking It, as Pat Robertson and them-all would have you believe. It also means that neck-snuzzling is popular for a reason. And if you ask me, your humble blogger, I will tell you: humans are a kind of animal; animals use pheremones; humans, you have to give me this at least, have some awfully funny mating habits.

The truth is out there. If you build it, they will cum.

MR

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"There are two kinds of women: goddesses and doormats."
-Pablo Picasso