Goodbye, Cruel W-- wait a minute...

MUSIC +++ FILM +++ SPORT +++ PHOTO +++ LINK +++ POORLY REASONED POLITICAL OPINION AND STUPID JOKE

GGBR
File this right with the last one, under "Amazing Local Politics." San Francisco's a great place for such things, but like most things I say, this one should be accessible to stupid people everywhere.

Front page, "above the fold" today in the Chronicle, a feature piece -- two, in fact -- on a crowd of mourners beseeching Golden Gate Bridge directors to erect a suicide barrier. (Think I can say "erect" in every entry I compose? Stay tuned.)

Okay, insert disclaimer about how suicide is a bad thing. I don't want anyone's family members killing themselves -- Bushes, Cheneys (as Asimov queried, can a robot kill itself?) and Condoleeeezzzas excepted -- any more than anyone else. And it's understandable that these upstanding members (see "erect") would seek some postmortem redress. Counterarguments, for the record, include considerations of aesthetics, important mainly for tourism, and budget, which is redder than the bridge.

Here's my take. If your uncle hangs himself, I'm very sorry. But even in America, you shouldn't go suing the rope manufacturer.

The Chron bit describes Phillip Holsten, a local doctor who took the dive in October "without [ever] giving any warnings that he was even depressed." His girlfriend says, "There is no doubt in my mind that Phil's act was an impulse, a terrible impulse."

Now the test. Does this woman represent a segment of society too politically sympathetic to make fun of?

Surely you know the answer to that one.

"A terrible impulse" sounds too much like "a terrible, terrible impulse," or something else Captain Kirk might say. So what you're telling me is, I'm a happy doc, I draw insurance kickbacks left and right, my ladyfriend can suck the crome off a trailer hitch, but as I stroll across this lovely bridge, I can't help wanting to be in the Bay to Breakers, literally.

Or, possibly, lady, you missed a couple signs somewhere.

Otherwise known as: Guns don't kill people; people with guns kill people.

POPE
Just a word on the most useless figurehead since the British Royals: Pope John Paul II had a relapse (of his flu-like symptoms! -- see below for the incredible dangers inherent in such symptoms; you'd rather have SARS) and had to undergo a tracheotomy. He made it through; the headline described him as "serene."

If I were lying drugged in a bed, convinced I was about to meet with Everlasting Glory, I'd be serene, too.

MR

PSFYI
That job with the Supervisor? I quit. Ironically, someone who does something that sensible isn't qualified for a SF City Hall position in the first place.

QWTOFDY
"There are no stupid questions -- only stupid people who ask questions."
-Chris "Boomer" Berman