How Baad Can One Pitcher Bee?

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SPRT

This one sparkles. In Tuscon today, the Rockies-Diamondbacks spring training baseball game was called after five innings on account of bee. Several, actually -- they literally swarmed the field. This was apparently brought on by the presence of pitcher Darren Oliver, who's somehow vultured an 87-79 career record despite an ERA well over 5.00. Apparently the bees were either attracted to the coconut oil in Oliver's hair gel -- as Oliver himself claims -- or are actually Colorado fans making a statement.

The bees were not available for post-game comment, as they were in flight to Tampa in pursuit of new Devil Rays outfielder Alex Sanchez.

POL
Grandstanding Ol' Pricks:

First steroids, now Terri Schiavo. Do you know this is literally the first time history's vacationingest President has cut short a holiday (either mental or physical) for ANY reason? Plus, as you news junkies already know, his current position cuts about 180 degrees from a law he enacted as Texas governor. Also: outside of Bud Selig (or The Emperor from Star Wars, I get them confused) is there anyone more sleazy-looking than Jeb Bush?

Now, under a supposedly conservative administration, what we've got is the biggest federal government in history, the highest federal deficit spending in history, and the Republican-controlled Congress stepping into our living rooms to legislate everything from our favorite sports (did you know the NFL considers marijuana a performance-enhancing drug? Do you?) to our spouses' last wishes, to whom you're allowed to partner up with in the first place.

The difference between Republicans and Democrats -- I point again to Mr. Tom Delay and his ilk, not to mention the deeply ironic, but not at all comical appointments of Paul Wolfowitz to lead the World Bank and John Bolton as our UN Ambassador -- seems to be that Republicans desperately crave what Democrats merely think they should have.

What it's certainly not: it's certainly not what we were taught in high school, namely that Republicans favor small government and fiscal conservatism.

My personal opinion recalls the "Why can't _______ get a date, he's such a nice guy?" theory: liberals are, by nature, much less likely to favor their own greed and ambition over others' basic needs and rights, and therefore start with a weaker chance of getting and holding power. With apologies to Sen. McCain, and perhaps Colon Powell, but certainly not his son... and precious few others.

MR

QWTOFDY
"Heaven for climate; hell for company."
-Mark Twain