Title

MUSIC +++ FILM +++ SPORT +++ PHOTO +++ LINK +++ POORLY REASONED POLITICAL OPINION AND STUPID JOKE

POL
Let's see if I've got this right.

1) Prince Charles and Non-Princess Camilla are coming to my smurfy little town of San Francisco. This is an important event, because Charles and Camilla are the heirs to the British throne, which is a lot like wearing a big pointy hat in the middle of Rome: completely futile, yet showered with unimaginable wealth.

Meanwhile, our own President Bush, who could be described quite the same way (if you'll spot me a moment of uncharacteristic generosity) has never, and will never, come anywhere near my backward little burg.

I guess he still has enough stray eggs from his first inauguration.

2) Last night, I found myself asking the serious question, "Who do I trust more, Senator John McCain, or Judge Wapner?" McCain was featured in a TV spot warning me against letting retired judges tackle redistricting. Wapner, whose People's Court is indirectly responsible for me wasting 1,240 hours of my college life watching Jerry Springer, says emphatically that I should trust the retired judges.

A Vietnam vet, albeit a Republican, or a retired TV judge. Tough to call. What would the Kindergarten Cop do?

3) Speaking of McCain -- who still gets my vote over most Democrats; how 'bout a McCain-Edwards ticket in '08? -- he's behind a bill now being weighed by the House of Representatives. McCain's fellow senators have already passed the bill, which concerns defense appropriations ("money for guns"), by a 90-9 margin, a winning percentage not seen since Warriors opponents in the post-Webber era.

Why is the bill so popular? Well, aside from including a lot of money for a bigger lot of guns, the bill bans the "cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment" of prisoners held anywhere in the world by the United States government.

That, of course, is a pretty extreme measure. And must be stopped.

Luckily, CIA Director Porter Goss, who was named for a highly transmutable foot fungus, and Vice President Dick Cheney have already tried to badger McCain into scuttling the torture provision. Also, the Bush White House has vigorously opposed the provision at every pass, and will likely veto the whole thing because of it. You know how dearly Bush likes money for guns, so it's nice to see him put our interests ahead of his own by holding out for our right to lovingly rub disfiguring chemicals on the recoiling penises of uncomprehending inmates who might, possibly, have been combatants for some kind of enemy.

SPRT
Much like the Ess Eff Baseball Giants, the Niners are playing cat-and-mouse with virtual elimination, barely halfway through their season. The truth is that, perhaps like the Bonds injury, the Niners' loss to the Redskins (or perhaps their breaking training camp at all) pretty much foretells a gruesome and fast-approaching death.

But, for the ratings, and because I know you're not going to church, let's say that after last week's upset, this week's game against the New York Football Giants will be an important litmus test.

Critics say a litmus test won't win the West. But what do they know? It might even get them on the Supreme Court.

SPRT
Speaking of local boys, ten minutes ago, after watching Adonnal Foyle botch four plays straight, I e-mailed a friend that Warrior rookie Chris Taft would start at center this season. Five minutes ago, the game five minutes old, Taft is called in.

The Warriors are an exciting team this year, and understand how to play. You know how local sports gets you into following the league nationwide, and I think it's gonna be awesome to follow the NBA this year. Plus, these guys are all such good athletes -- usually, even two or three on the worst teams -- that if you see a game down close, it's hard to go back.

MR

PS
Remember, for all of you Cauliflowernians, Tuesday is Vote Day. If, like me, you don't understand most of the propostions or why we're having this election in the first place, remember that evil Republicans are counting on you to stay home. Do your civic duty, if needs be, by going out (or writing in) and voting 'No' on everything.

Really. It makes a difference.

QWTOFDY
"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."
-Sir Isaac Newton