Real Brown Vomit

MUSIC +++ FILM +++ SPORT +++ PHOTO +++ LINK +++ POORLY REASONED POLITICAL OPINION AND STUPID JOKE

FEMA
Did you get this Brown thing? I can't stay on it too long. Google it.

The gist is: when the hurricane hit -- and many of his underlings were already on the ground in Mississippi and Louisiana, crisis managing -- FEMA Director Mike Brown exchanged a volley of emails with his deputy director of public affairs. So, yes -- they actually did put this unbelievable bullshit in writing, which should tell you something about the kind of saps we're dealing with.

To wit: This lady, named Cindy Taylor, yes-manned a message declaring, "My eyes must certainly be deceiving me. You look fabulous -- and I'm not talking the makeup."

To which Brown actually replied: "I got it at Nordstroms. Are you proud of me? Can I quit now? Can I go home?" An hour later, he sent a follow-up: "If you'll look at my lovely FEMA attire, you'll really vomit. I am a fashion god."

Brown, you'll remember, still admits no wrongdoing. Reports that the last message also included a picture of Brown in his FEMA attire, including a stretched-out pair of Hanes briefs adorning his head, have not been confirmed.

ART
No, Brown does not have a brother named Ezekiel Rubottom, and the two were not separated at birth. In fact, there's no evidence they've ever met. However, Rubottom, a 21-year-old resident of Lawrence, Kansas, does seem to share Brown's famously tasteful design sensibilities, as well as his knack for viewing deficiencies in a positive light.

Rubottom (also no relation to RuPaul) had a club foot, which he eventually had amputated. Wishing to keep the foot as a memento -- the practice is more common than you'd think; many people, including the author, have pieces of themselves floating in jars at home -- Rubottom dropped the foot into a bucket of formaldehyde and left the bucket on his front porch.

When a neighbor complained about the display -- fearing the foot was evidence of a violent crime -- getting a picture yet of life in Lawrence, Kansas? -- Rubottom objected. He had added a porcelain horse and a can of beer to his bucket, and now found himself defending his collection as "a collage of myself."

Actually, that beats Brown by a lot: I see myself in much the same way.

Don't you?

MR

QWTOFDY
"Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl; someday I'm gonna make her mine."
-Last line ever recorded in studio by the Beatles