All Elbows On Deck

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Anyone see Kobe Bryant's comments on the Mike Miller play? Seen the replay?

Miller drives the lane; Kobe sticks his elbow straight into the guy's throat. Apparently, Kobe was mad that he'd been elbowed earlier. ("You don't elbow Kobe," Kobe's aura was quoted as saying. "You don't touch Kobe.")

Kobe's mouth said Kobe was "very surprised. Shocked, actually. Very, very surprised" that Bryant was suspended two whole games... and not a single rape was even alleged.

Laker coach Phil Jackson, on the other hand, thought Kobe's postgame comments "contributed to [the suspension] somewhat." The condensed version of Bryant's opinionation: "Somebody comes down the lane, you've got to hit him [actual quote].”

For those who haven't seen the tape... cut to tape.

Of course, Albert Belle got a similarly weak sentence for what was admittedly a far worse foul, blatantly slamming his forearm into the face of a helpless Fernando Viña during a potential double play some years back. Belle claimed equal shock at the league's decidedly mild punishment.

For the record, Bryant is appealing the suspension. Rumors that Bryant's teammates will miss his 40 points per night have been greatly exaggerated.

MR

Happy New the fuck Year. And as Snoop Dogg would say, "Don't drink and drizzle."

QWTOFDY
"Every nation has the government it deserves."
-Joseph de Maistre

Moron the NSA

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NSA
So let me see if I have this right. The president authorizes the NSA and maybe his two slutty daughters to listen in to whatever phone conversations they please, provided they can pretend they thought one of the people talking was in Canada. This goes on all throughout this made up illegal war of his (what? uh, oops? did you hear me? RIDICULOUSLY ILLEGAL war) and then someone reveals that he's bypassed the secret court set up for just such spying by introducing his own double-secret spying.

So the Department of Justice is called in. They're on the case. The Department of Justice is now investigating... what wascally little wabbit leaked the double secret.

Not investigating the secret court -- which has been operating, in secret, for decades. Not investigating the secret decision to secretly bypass the secret court. (For the record, official rationale is that wiretapping citizens' phone calls, though admittedly unconstitutional, was implicitly okayed when Congress authorized "war powers." I don't know about you, but to me that's a mighty leap.)

If we're wondering how governments work, let's look at the reason the Department of Justice -- of all the Departments -- would choose to investigate this legal morass from the outside in.

Indulge a digression.

Know who I voted for in the Democratic primaries in 2004? Not young idealist lawyer John Edwards. Not the effete, well-to-do John Kerry; Kerry makes Mike Dunleavy, Jr. look like the Trojan Man.

Not Dean. Not Wesley, Dick, or Arthur C. Clark.

And not because I wanted this guy in the White House; I didn't.

I voted for Dennis Kucinich.

Why? Yes, to send a message; and, policy-wise, for a number of reasons. Chief among them: he advocates the creation of a Department of Peace.

Silly idea? That's right. Useless, hackneyed, completely without hope of fruition?

Precisely.

Just to get people thinking a little on exactly what it is that a goverment does.

Why do govenments, as we so clearly understand, support war, and not peace? Why would the DOJ ignore an admittedly unconstitutional practice in order to hunt down its whistle-blower? Why does everyone have the sense that Republicans and Democrats are actually so, so similar?

I want you to do a little actual thinking here. Instead of listening to me rant on, like you're so fond of, and telling yourself you're thinking just by reading my opinions and News of the Weird crib sheets.

So this is an email-style scrolldown situation. Sit there, at your stupid corporate desk, pretending to work. Lean back in your ergonomically correct chair, and take a moment to consider:

There are (I learned in a real estate course) two kinds of people: natural people and legal people. Know the difference?

A natural person is, naturally, a person.

A legal person is a corporation.

Much like the one you work for. Legally: a person.

Now, if a corporation can be a person -- with all the rights of a person, and presumably many strengths and flaws comparable to those found in humans -- then the analagy (remember, not a made-up one, but one that's all over our laws, economy, culture, et cetera) could be extended to other, similar bodies.

Like a government.

A government can be thought of -- should be, I would argue -- as a living, breathing organism with loves and fears and very specific motives.

Before the big question, a corrollary question. What is "the American dream?"

I'm not interested in nailing down the precise definition here and now, but let's agree on something like "moving up." Or, more cogently, giving your kids opportunities you didn't have, no matter the percieved obstacles to that improvement.

Okay. So bear that in mind.

Now, here comes the big question. Think about it before scrolling.

Ready?

What is a government's primary objective?
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A government's primary objective is the same as any natural or legal person: to stay alive.

Therefore, a government's primary objective is, at all costs, to maintain the status quo.

Erego, the American government will do anything it can to stamp out the American dream.

...Sweet dreams, Pumpernickel.

MR

QWTOFDY
"Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country."
-John F. Kennedy

Where Your Dick Was When You Needed It

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NSA
Good stuff, good stuff. All this wiretapping business ("eavesdropping" is so Emily Bronte) is tearing up (slithering through) Washington, and it's a good thing these people take vacations, because none of it was making any sense.

Here's the gist as I understand it: Congress, who with respect to presidential popularity has noticed the wind don't blow the way it used to, is up in arms because President Bush has been secretly listening in to telephone conversations without so much as a warrant for over four years.

Of course, members of Congress admit that they were informed of this illegal practice, and agree with Bush's assertions that he gave them scads of regular updates. They are now so appalled because... mmm, because some civilian with a typewriter found out. So now elected officials are sputtering things like "Of course, I knew, but they wouldn't really tell me, so how could I really know?" These people couldn't investigate their shoes.

And if you thought perhaps Bush would get off free here: far from it. Even Colin Powell -- who maintains a good chunk of respect from this corner for occassionally bucking the party line, declining to run for office himself, and then quitting when he felt things were out of hand -- says the presidential mandate to forego warrants is peachy, and should "of course" continue.

Bush's own justification has been: we could have gotten those warrants easily.

Great. And, the sixty-four thousand dollar question, sing along with me here, folks: So why didn't you?

(Another nice justification: there are, as far as we know, only about five hundred of these wiretaps going on at any one time. So it's not like they're doing all of us: just some of us, all the time.)

Enough said about that particular news item. Today a related one emerges, and we should have seen this one coming. It seems the National Security Agency also used illegal wiretaps to secure arrests and convictions of actual bad guys. You might figure this is the best justification yet for ignoring laws so completely: results.

You figure wrong.

Because of the NSA's brazen policy, several dozen defendants with ties to al Qaeda are mounting legitimate legal challenges in Florida, Ohio (do these states sound familiar?), Virginia, and Oregon. Meaning we could be faced with thirty or forty al Qaedets walking the streets olly olly oxenfree, thanks to behavior that destroys our civil liberties for the sake of catching terrorists.

Nice work, you fat, white fucks.

POL
And elsewhere on today's front page: prosecutors cut a deal with former high-level ENRON accountant Richard A. Causey, which they hope brings them closer to convictions (or settlements) against ENRON moguls Jeffrey Skilling and Ken Lay.

Well, hey, we should be glad they're going after these guys. After all, if you've been reading your Noam Chomsky or that biting Harold Pinter Nobel speech that's been going around, you know that criminals with names like... well, like Bush, have been wreaking economic devastation and all-out war against innocent nations for decades, and won't see the inside of a jail cell unless it's on Martha Stuart: Behind the Music.

But, as a tax-paying Californian, I have to point out that, in this particular case, the biggest criminals are not only those defendants but Vice President Dick Cheney, who knew about at least some of their massive deception and nevertheless subsidized their anal rape of the California economy -- oh, and then invited them over to help shape energy policy for the nation.

For some reason, Cheney continues to refuse to release any information related to the formation of that national energy policy. We all know about Lay and the rest of them coming over with punch and fruitcake. I think the holdup is that a former Texaco exec's pre-teen daughter bled all over the Lincoln Bedroom carpet, and "unckie Dick" wants to protect her family from undue embarrassment.

MR

QWTOFDY
"I can't keep looking at loneliness
And tryin' to call it freedom..."
-Bill Withers

Continued Stove Rantings

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SPRT
Okay. Time for a little reality check, or at least a check-in, for some of these Major League teams.

NEW YORK METS:
"Mets" has replaced "Ba ba ba ba ba bird" as the word on everyone's smackers this offseason. And the Mets' "addition by addition" formula has brought some impressive talent: Carlos Delgado, Paul Lo Duca, and Billy Wagner join an already formidable cast that includes the dangerous Jose Reyes, David Wright, and Carlos Beltran, plus the legendary Pedro Martinez and Tom Glavine. But let's examine this for a minute. Can you simply buy your way into the game?

1997 Marlins: yes. Mets, Blue Jays, Rangers, Orioles, Yankees of recent years: no.

The Mets have gained an awful lot. They're also losing some decent production from Mikes Piazza, Cameron, and Jacobs. Piazza alone, even in his decrepit state, means enough offense to offset Lo Duca on both sides of the ball. That means Delgado is left to make up for Cameron and Jacobs -- no problemo for the big man, but that's not a swing of several players like it seems.

(It's also a genuine shame that Delgado, who politely declined to join teammates for God Bless America in Florida, quickly capuitulated to his New York bosses. America stands for freedom of beliefs -- provided you're in a tiny market where no one will notice that your beliefs differ from their own.)

The Mets also add pint-sized gunslinger Billy Wagner, a significant upgrade over Blatent Pooper, who signed a bloated contract to go back to Saint Lou. All these are good moves. But are they enough?

The Mets were by no means a contender last year, meaning they have more than a single step to make if they wish to sniff playoffs. They are surely counting on a rebirth from Beltran, who fizzled as a free agent a year ago. But it's likely they're also assuming that oldsters Delgado, Glavine, and Martinez will continue to be every bit as good as they have been.

Unlikely.

Delgado is both a very solid man and a very consistent slugger. But if his numbers go anywhere in '06, it will be down. While Florida's no picnic to hit in, a trip to New York (especially for a guy whose previous biggest market was, well, Canadian) often means a karate chop off of final totals. Glavine, who's been terrific as he nears 40, also looked to be finished 3-4 years ago. If we're talking old lefties, look how quickly the end came for former teammate Al Leiter. And Pedro performed a minor miracle last year, but still has a "damaged goods" shoulder and is already sweating a toe problem this offseason. And if Pedro can't perform, look out.

The Mets are also carrying their share of dead weight -- namely Kazuo Matsui, their flop Japanese import at second base, and Kris Benson, best known for a .500 record, a major contract, and a Playboy wife who loves telling the Mets brass how to run their business. Friendly memo to Queens: it ain't over yet.

SAN DIEGO PADRES:
Here's an interesting case study. Trading for Chan Ho Park because you couldn't get Sidney Ponson is a lot like crashing the Titanic into an iceberg because you couldn't find a rocky cliff. (Pure speculation, but it says here the departed Phil Nevin, whiney and aged, is known in that clubhouse to be a juicer, perhaps along with Ryan Klesko, whose power and speed bursts on arrival have been replaced by similar geriatricity.)

The Padres decided that Brian Giles is their man, since his loss of power is made up for by strong character and a ballpark that threatens any batter's mental health. They also jettisoned former Cal star X. Nady, who has good potential to replace that power, but refuses to make the same adjustments Pedro Feliz refuses to make -- the difference being that the Giants are counting on Feliz, in that they compounded their error with their faith in Edgardo Alfonso. (If the Giants are planning on going into the season with those two players, plus a Sweeney-Neikro platoon, they're as good as dead.)

The Pads have also lost a lot, and know it. Ramon Hernandez and Rudy Seañez have departed for greener green, Mark Loretta was inexplicably donated to a drooling Red Sox club -- does San Diego, a year removed from calling him their MVP, know something we don't? -- and the miserable Sean Burroughs has finally been tossed with last week's cabbage. In their place, the Padres have picked up serviceable role players like Geoff Blum and Doug Mirabelli, and confounding failures like Dewon Brazelton, Bobby Hill, and Park.

But the Padres also got a lot today for Adam Eaton, whose big payday a year from now they were disinclined to sponsor. The Padres got the very talented Chris Young to replace Eaton in the rotation. Young, a sinkerballer who received a multi-year deal to keep him from playing power forward for the Sacramento Kings, showed excellent poise last year before tiring late, and may outperform Eaton, given Eaton's new digs, this summer. And while they also sacrificed a top pick from the low level minors and a decent short man in Otsuka, they once again have the underrated Scott Linebrink setting up Trevor Hoffman, and got two good, cheap, Major League-ready hitting prospects in Terrmel Sledge (.267-16-70 in 435 career at-bats) and former number one pick Adrian Gonzalez (.338-18-65 in a half-season in Triple-A.)

With their budgetary constraints, the Pads are once again looking at contention only if the division itself remains below the water line. But despite a crop of shamefully bad roster-fillers, the Padres have shown some guile in bringing in the new blood and successfully coaxing Giles and Hoffman to accept less money and a pre-owned longboard apiece.

TORONTO BLUE JAYS:
This could be trouble. Nine years for four relatively unproven initials (A. J. Burnett and B. J. Ryan). Behind Doc Holliday, one of the game's very best, a shoddy rotation. And, despite the Lyle Overbay move, a DH-1B-3B scenario that still includes both Canadian native Cory Koskie and Eric "Dead Weight" Hinske.

Hey, if they don't compete with Boston and New York in the AL East, at least they should outdistance Baltimore in the Big Spenders division.

CHICAGO CUBS:
Memo to the men in blue: those who sign Jacque Jones deserve what they get. Now go spend $20-odd million on two middle relievers. Oh wait, you've done that.

OAKLAND A'S:
What? Turn around and trade Bradley? No way. There's only so many places Bradley could be picked to weather his own storms, and Oakland is Number One. Find a solution for Swisher (who shows promise, but also struggled) Johnson (who could come back to Earth) Kielty (hot for a while, but a very average player) and Payton (ditto.) With Zito, Bradley, the talented Antonio Perez, and possibly Frank Thomas on board, let's stand pat and give the ball to our horses. We're cheap enough right now.

(Note: horses are not only the youthful veteran Zito, but the nasty duo of Rich Harden and Dan Haren -- plus the wise, round Joe Blanton. Blanton, particularly, is deceptively good; why not thoroughly confuse opponents by setting your rotation according to differing styles, meaning:

Harden, Zito, Haren, Blanton, Loaiza.

In the Giants' case: Schmidt, Lowry, Morris, Cain, Henessey/etc.)

THE THE ANGELS ANGELS OF ANAHEIM:
Brilliant. This team sports the least impressive-looking Cy Young winner in recent history (Bartolo Colon), is built around a star who hit .050 in the Championship Series (Vlad Guerrero), and features an artful balance of beaten-up over-the-hills (Steve Finley, Darren Erstad, Orlando Cabrera -- an offensive downgrade from David Eckstein -- and Garrett Anderson, whose OPS was lower than Casey Blake's) and never-wuzzes (Dallas McPherson and Casey Kotchman.) All this just goes to show you why Chone Figgins should be getting a lot of MVP votes.

But if you see hope in the future of the young Angels infield, forget the smooth stroke of Kotchman or the powerful uppercut of McPherson. The Angels Single-A Rancho Cucamonga Quakes team featured a middle-infield duo that did this:

Shortstop: .321-43-115 (.307, 14 HR in 114 Arizona Fall League at-bats)
Second Base: .384-12-47 (.342-7-42 in Double-A; 25 total steals; .388, .612 SLG in 116 AFL at-bats)

Boy, are these guys good. The shortstop is Brandon Wood, one of the game's best prospects, and his pal is Howie Kendrick. The game is also about playing smoothly together -- see Angles '02, Marlins '03, or for negative examples, the above New York Mets comparisons -- so Wood and Kendrick may already have an advantage when they hit the Show.

LAAofA may have some major flaws, but everyone else in that division is working from behind the 8-ball -- Texas can't keep the ball in the park, the A's can't get the wallet out of the pocket, and Seattle is simply trying to be less bad -- so that means the immovable Sciocsia again has his finger nearest the button.

LA DODGERS:

At least they got rid of the numbers guy. You know, they guy who figured the clubhouse doesn't matter, then watched the game's best record turn into Banshee Night on the WWE. Now the new new sherriff in town, Ned Coletti (the fifth GM in 10 years for the franchise with two managers, Alston and Lasorda, over a span of 44) has seen fit to replace Jim Tracy with Grady Little, plus reshape the entire infield, just for starters. Results?

Mixed. Little deserved another shot after the way he was skewered in Boston, but Tracy's steady leadership will be missed, and Little doesn't appear to have much that Tracy didn't give them already. Of course, if you ask Billy Beane, former mentor to exiled GM Paul DePodesta, the manager's nameplate might as well read "Mickey Mouse," so let's move on.

Here's a team who already had a Gold Glove shortstop who may be a .300 hitter (Cesar Izturis), and replaced him with a mouthy, free-swinging miscast leadoff man with a handful of DUI's (Rafael Furcal.) Furcal's arm is a pleasure to see, and he can still run, and perhaps outhit the nascent Izturis. Bill Mueller may not add much to fantasy sheets, particularly in Chavez, but should at least provide the stability they lacked. Kent did well to last this long at second base, and seemed ready to move to first upon Izturis' return from injury -- until the Dodgers played the famous "big star with question marks signed to play out of position" card, with Nomar Garciaparra.

Nomar should be solid, if not the world-beater he once was as a younger man in a smaller yard. But with Furcal unleashing bebes from short and Kent's famously modest range next to Nomar, the Dodgers may have invited their old problem: inconsistent defense. The recently signed Kenny Lofton still has enough in the tank to contribute on offense -- though he should drop 30 points just on the move from Philly to L.A. -- but has lost range on defense and is terrible going back on the ball, meaning a lot of doubles and triples in the spacious Chavez outfield. In left, the Dodgers seem unable to decide about Jason Werth, whose production and defense is likely on a par with the rest of the league, including whomever they get to replace him.

With Gagne still recovering and his various apprentices pulling Nuke LaLoosh imitations, the bullpen is a mess, so with their average staff, the Dodgers mimick San Diego as contenders only in the weakest of fields. This division remains there for the taking.

AND
And if the A's get the Big Hurt, the Giants had better find a way to talk Texas into Alfonzeliz and a prospect for Brad Wilkerson.

AND
Another load of deep brown poo on the House of White, as BushCo moves to strike Cuba from the fledgling World Baseball Classic. With Piazza joining the Italian squad, A-Fraud bowing to the suits by bowing out completely, and Bonds waddling through a pre-Spring comeback, the Classic is already enough of a joke without one of its greatest entrants being strongarmed back to the Caribbean.

Of course, according to Senator Barbara Boxer and others, Bush has just become the first sitting president to admit in broad daylight to an impeachable offense, so if we can't get Cuba in, or Karl Rove out, there may still be better entertainment out of Washinton this summer than watching Charpee Selig hand out kickbacks to potential Nats buyers.

AND
Why don't I listen to more country music?

Country singer Kenny Chesney, recently divorced by actress Renee Zellweger, says the split has caused him immense pain. The event was so traumatic, says Chesney, that it was "like opening the door to your house and having someone come in and take your big-screen TV off the wall during the big game, and there's nothing you can do about it."

Wow.

AND
AND, while it's true that 30,000 pieces of mail being delivered to the IRS was spilled into San Francisco Bay this autumn when their truck was hit on the San Mateo Bridge, YOU can't prove I was anywhere in the area.

MR

QWTOFDY
"The Contras are the moral equivalent of our Founding Fathers."
-Ronald Reagan

Suburban Alabama Stove Trickle

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SPRT
So, what do you know. The rich get richer, and the smart get smarter.

Milton Bradley to Oakland: a perfect fit. Now watch Paul DePodesta, tuning in on streaming video from his laptop, scratching his head wondering why Bradley's problems are so quickly forigven and forgotten. Helps you don't build a team on Kent, Weaver, and Drew. Meanwhile, Oakland keeps Zito and the rest of the stable, adds Loaiza (I guess if Beane signs him for three years and 21, he must be worth it... which also makes Morris worth 3 and 27) and loses nothing.

In a similar story, the White Sox managed to get the bunificent Jim Thome (if it's not a word, it is now) for the pedestrian Aaron Rowand, and now have added a potentially deadly starter -- think Freddy Garcia with a better strikeout rate -- in Javier Vazquez, and all they've lost from the Major League roster was an aging El Duque. El Duque is the Robert Horry of baseball: if you can carry him through an entire regular season, he'll help you in the playoffs. But baseball doesn't get sixteen playoff teams like the NBA.

Vazquez, as a veteran who'd been traded in the middle of a multi-year contract, had the right to demand a trade from Arizona, and did so. He said he wanted to get closer to his home in Puerto Rico, which is a suburb of Chicago. (Scott Eyre, citing a similar desire to be close to his family in Florida, also signed in Chicago. Chicago, AL?)

And in other news, I actually read on ESPN.com that Julian Tavarez is expected to get a four-year offer. Heck, before the Burnett signing, the last pitcher to sign for more than four years was... Chan Ho Park. So let's keep the hothead middle relief guys down to two years, and if he makes it without Ponsoning, re-up him.

FLM
The talented Michele Yeoh (Crouching Tiger) co-stars in a film adaptation of the book Memoirs of a Geisha. If you know one thing about Yeoh, know this: her husband's name is Dickson Poon.

Fantastic.

MR

QWTOFDY
"The struggle against power is the struggle of memory against forgetting."
-Milan Kundera

Porky Rat

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RAT
New Dehli -- India, for those not keeping track... it's the place where that guy lives who sounds like Apu and helps you make your holiday travel reservations -- has 97 rat catchers on the government payroll. Since 1994, these rat catchers have caught as many rats as my beloved cat Margaret: none. The only difference is, I didn't pay Margaret 97 times fourteen rupees an hour, or whatever the hell they're getting.

They have a hundred ratless stooges, and we, we have Mike Brown, fashion God.

Us 1, India 0.

RAT2
Now Brown has entered the private sector disaster business, and while cynical critics and critical cynics (long-haired hippie sympathizers, all) have suggested that the move is like Exxon pulling a few oil tankers up to a forest fire and offering to help, it says here the idea is a good one. I mean, wherever Brown goes, disaster is probably not far behind.

Now, bored with what's left of the Brown story, some media outlets are focusing on Louisana Governor Kathleen Blanco, whose media people also prepped her on, for one, how to dress in front of the cameras during hurricane coverage. There's a big difference here, of course, and those wondering my opinion on the ridiculous SFPD video scandal can tune in here as well.

The Blanco story is simply a case of everyday behind-the-scenes posturing, which may be tacky but is a necessary corrollary to her job as Important Politician, finally exposed to daylight. There's nothing really wrong with her process -- or did you expect her to walk out of the governmental mansion and up to the podium without bothering to change from her pajamas? -- it just looks bad to us, in the wake of other, real fiascos. (Brown, judging from his emails, was clearly obsessed, plus revealed himself as a complete boob, whereas Blanco's boobs make up only a small percentage of her overall bodyweight.)

In the case of the SFPD vids, like the Niners vids before them, yeah, it's harmful, it's wrong, but the chief error here was allowing the public to see them. We know that cops, like football teams, like politicians, soldiers, strippers, and other narrow segments of the population, are necessarily wired a certain way, or else would not have become what they are. The group dynamic, of course, exaccerbates the conditions in question: imagine a prisoner, for instance, who, through injustice or hard luck, finds himself facing a long sentence among criminals despite an altruistic nature. How do you suppose he might be affected by his new playmates?

In short, I have to ask people to get over it. Then I have to go do something else.

SPRT
One thing about Alfonso Soriano: he's AVERAGED a 30-30 season over the last four years. For a second baseman, that's close to Oscar Robertson averaging a triple-double.

PITH
Nothing pithy to end my entry with today. So, how about this: fuck off.

PS
Oh yeah, I got it! Some skydiving pregnant lady had a parachute malfunction and hit the pavement face-first at fifty miles an hour.

Sweet action!

MR

QWTOFDY
"I'll die young, but it's like kissing God."
-Lenny Bruce (on drugs)

Solid Plastic Wood Comb

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SPRT
Nice job, Alfonso Soriano. Show those suits who's boss. If you're spoiled million dollar ass can't hack it in the outfield now that an actual Major League (read: National League) team has traded for you, just cross your arms and say, "Yeah, José Vidro's an All Star over there. That's you guys' problem. You're not the boss of me."

Back to reality (oh, there goes gravity) where the Nationals have in fact commited three players and about ten million dollars to be the boss of him. Move to the stupid outfield. Do your stupid job.

Sabean: good going so far. Do what it takes to go that third year on Matt Morris (or Millwood, whichever.) Now offer DC's Jim Bowden Pedro Feliz, Brad Hennessey, and two young cow paddies for the Brad Wilkerson Left Handed First Baseman Sweepstakes consolation prize: Vidro.

BLOG
Got eight comments, or about eight more than normal (this means you, Cheesedick) on my "It Ain't Much" post a few days back. Here's two of them; the rest were similar.

brain wave said...
Hi Martin K. Rowicky, taking a little time today to see what plastic comb will send me to that is interesting. It Ain't Much, But It's All I've Got Left looks interesting and is a great read. Will also try plastic comb in my e-travels. Have a super day!

3.12.05


solid wood said...
Hi Martin K. Rowicky, taking a little time today to see what solid wood will send me to that is interesting. It Ain't Much, But It's All I've Got Left looks interesting and is a great read. Will also try solid wood in my e-travels. Have a super day!

3.12.05

...What the fuck is going on here? People are being taken in for millions of dollars a day by these, uh, e-travelers? Jesus. Flush your computer. Eat a tree.

MR

QWTOFDY
"Life's short and hard
Like a bodybuilding elf
So save the planet
And kill yourself!"
-The Bloodhound Gang

Pure Wind

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Hello. I'm Johnny Cash.

LIT
I'm here today simply because I haven't checked in in a while, and while the hundred-odd deaths from the crash of a planeload of journalists into an Iranian apartment building would be news enough for some, this reporter (snigger) has the willpower to let it spiral down the commode of history.

Just following the lead of my government. (The Reagan Revolution was based around small government. Right? Worked almost as well as... well, as Communism.)

So given that the newsmakers refuse to make real news -- at least until Terrell Owens buys McNabb one of those exploding cigars for Christmas -- I'll risk the ire of the copyright police and reprint a little of what I've been reading of late.

So, this is from a George Orwell essay -- if you're not familiar with Orwell's frighteningly familiar fiction, just take a careful look around you -- entitled "Why I Write." (Readers hoping to gain similar insight into this author's motives can go sit on the history pot.)

Orwell, writing in 1946, declares:

"What I have most wanted to do throughout the past ten years is to make political writing into an art. My starting point is always a feeling of partisanship, a sense of injustice." [Note: while "partisan" has become an explicitly dirty word these days, the book's front cover predicts that phenomenon by addressing its source, declaring, "Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind."]

To continue: "When I sit down to write a book, I do not say to myself, 'I am going to produce a work of art.' I write it because these is some lie that I want to expose, some fact to which I want to draw attention, and my initial concern is to get a hearing." Or as hardscrabble African American writer James Baldwin penned, "Every novel is a protest novel."

Orwell even reprints a poem he wrote in the mid-30's, purportedly about his own career crisis. The following stanza emerges:

It is forbidden to dream again;
We maim our joys or hide them;
Horses are made of chromium steel
And little fat men shall ride them.

That sounds familiar too. The little fat men, in, one presumes, their little fat hats, are disticntly political figures. That segues into another interesting line from the essay, which states, "The opinion that art should have nothing to do with politics is itself a political attitude." For those who wonder, again, why I get bogged down in political nattering.

Or, perhaps, a better explanation: Orwell lays out "four great motives for writing" by any author, and lists the first as "Sheer egoism." (The others, in order, are: "aesthetic enthusiasm," "historical impulse," and "political purpose.") "All writers," Orwell confides, "are vain, selfish, and lazy, and at the very bottom of their motives there lies a mystery." On this he does not say more.

He does confess, "I have not written a novel for seven years, but I hope to write another fairly soon. It is bound to be a failure, every book is a failure..."

I guess if I picked this up hoping to encourage my own writing "habit," perhaps I should have turned to the "For Dummies" series for a tad more ass-patting. But, despite what my high school basketball coach claimed, I've always preferred blunt-force honesty to ass-patting.

Or as the great man puts it, "I knew that I had a facility with words and a power of facing unpleasant facts, and I felt that this created a sort of private world in which I could get my own back for my failure in everyday life."

Quite right, Memory, quite right.

SPRT
Yes. Yes!! Brian Sabean once again proves his mettle. The Giants just traded LaTroy Hawkins -- a hard-throwing,weak-spirited righthander with good numbers -- for Steve Kline, a veteran lefty with a pretty decent history. This is unquestionably good.

Ditto the Tim Worrell signing, which we could only do at two years and $4 million because he ducked out on much of last year to sort out a psychological problem. Worrell is smart, a workhorse, and a guy who, completely opposite of Hawkins, stays comfortable in tough situations, and can therefore close games.

In Kline, the Giants got the closest approximation of a replacement for lefty horse Scott Eyre, who parlayed a fantastic season -- some heaven-blessed sportswriter even gave Erye a tenth-place vote in the MVP balloting -- into an eight-figure deal with the Cubs.

Kline, despite numbers not as consistently stingy as Hawkins', is tough on righties, just as Eyre was, and should make for a solid compliment to Worrell, so a healthy Armando Benitez can go back to blowing games in the ninth.

MR

QWTOFDY
"I dreamed I dwelt in marble halls,
And woke to find it true..."
-George Orwell