Continued Stove Rantings

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SPRT
Okay. Time for a little reality check, or at least a check-in, for some of these Major League teams.

NEW YORK METS:
"Mets" has replaced "Ba ba ba ba ba bird" as the word on everyone's smackers this offseason. And the Mets' "addition by addition" formula has brought some impressive talent: Carlos Delgado, Paul Lo Duca, and Billy Wagner join an already formidable cast that includes the dangerous Jose Reyes, David Wright, and Carlos Beltran, plus the legendary Pedro Martinez and Tom Glavine. But let's examine this for a minute. Can you simply buy your way into the game?

1997 Marlins: yes. Mets, Blue Jays, Rangers, Orioles, Yankees of recent years: no.

The Mets have gained an awful lot. They're also losing some decent production from Mikes Piazza, Cameron, and Jacobs. Piazza alone, even in his decrepit state, means enough offense to offset Lo Duca on both sides of the ball. That means Delgado is left to make up for Cameron and Jacobs -- no problemo for the big man, but that's not a swing of several players like it seems.

(It's also a genuine shame that Delgado, who politely declined to join teammates for God Bless America in Florida, quickly capuitulated to his New York bosses. America stands for freedom of beliefs -- provided you're in a tiny market where no one will notice that your beliefs differ from their own.)

The Mets also add pint-sized gunslinger Billy Wagner, a significant upgrade over Blatent Pooper, who signed a bloated contract to go back to Saint Lou. All these are good moves. But are they enough?

The Mets were by no means a contender last year, meaning they have more than a single step to make if they wish to sniff playoffs. They are surely counting on a rebirth from Beltran, who fizzled as a free agent a year ago. But it's likely they're also assuming that oldsters Delgado, Glavine, and Martinez will continue to be every bit as good as they have been.

Unlikely.

Delgado is both a very solid man and a very consistent slugger. But if his numbers go anywhere in '06, it will be down. While Florida's no picnic to hit in, a trip to New York (especially for a guy whose previous biggest market was, well, Canadian) often means a karate chop off of final totals. Glavine, who's been terrific as he nears 40, also looked to be finished 3-4 years ago. If we're talking old lefties, look how quickly the end came for former teammate Al Leiter. And Pedro performed a minor miracle last year, but still has a "damaged goods" shoulder and is already sweating a toe problem this offseason. And if Pedro can't perform, look out.

The Mets are also carrying their share of dead weight -- namely Kazuo Matsui, their flop Japanese import at second base, and Kris Benson, best known for a .500 record, a major contract, and a Playboy wife who loves telling the Mets brass how to run their business. Friendly memo to Queens: it ain't over yet.

SAN DIEGO PADRES:
Here's an interesting case study. Trading for Chan Ho Park because you couldn't get Sidney Ponson is a lot like crashing the Titanic into an iceberg because you couldn't find a rocky cliff. (Pure speculation, but it says here the departed Phil Nevin, whiney and aged, is known in that clubhouse to be a juicer, perhaps along with Ryan Klesko, whose power and speed bursts on arrival have been replaced by similar geriatricity.)

The Padres decided that Brian Giles is their man, since his loss of power is made up for by strong character and a ballpark that threatens any batter's mental health. They also jettisoned former Cal star X. Nady, who has good potential to replace that power, but refuses to make the same adjustments Pedro Feliz refuses to make -- the difference being that the Giants are counting on Feliz, in that they compounded their error with their faith in Edgardo Alfonso. (If the Giants are planning on going into the season with those two players, plus a Sweeney-Neikro platoon, they're as good as dead.)

The Pads have also lost a lot, and know it. Ramon Hernandez and Rudy Seañez have departed for greener green, Mark Loretta was inexplicably donated to a drooling Red Sox club -- does San Diego, a year removed from calling him their MVP, know something we don't? -- and the miserable Sean Burroughs has finally been tossed with last week's cabbage. In their place, the Padres have picked up serviceable role players like Geoff Blum and Doug Mirabelli, and confounding failures like Dewon Brazelton, Bobby Hill, and Park.

But the Padres also got a lot today for Adam Eaton, whose big payday a year from now they were disinclined to sponsor. The Padres got the very talented Chris Young to replace Eaton in the rotation. Young, a sinkerballer who received a multi-year deal to keep him from playing power forward for the Sacramento Kings, showed excellent poise last year before tiring late, and may outperform Eaton, given Eaton's new digs, this summer. And while they also sacrificed a top pick from the low level minors and a decent short man in Otsuka, they once again have the underrated Scott Linebrink setting up Trevor Hoffman, and got two good, cheap, Major League-ready hitting prospects in Terrmel Sledge (.267-16-70 in 435 career at-bats) and former number one pick Adrian Gonzalez (.338-18-65 in a half-season in Triple-A.)

With their budgetary constraints, the Pads are once again looking at contention only if the division itself remains below the water line. But despite a crop of shamefully bad roster-fillers, the Padres have shown some guile in bringing in the new blood and successfully coaxing Giles and Hoffman to accept less money and a pre-owned longboard apiece.

TORONTO BLUE JAYS:
This could be trouble. Nine years for four relatively unproven initials (A. J. Burnett and B. J. Ryan). Behind Doc Holliday, one of the game's very best, a shoddy rotation. And, despite the Lyle Overbay move, a DH-1B-3B scenario that still includes both Canadian native Cory Koskie and Eric "Dead Weight" Hinske.

Hey, if they don't compete with Boston and New York in the AL East, at least they should outdistance Baltimore in the Big Spenders division.

CHICAGO CUBS:
Memo to the men in blue: those who sign Jacque Jones deserve what they get. Now go spend $20-odd million on two middle relievers. Oh wait, you've done that.

OAKLAND A'S:
What? Turn around and trade Bradley? No way. There's only so many places Bradley could be picked to weather his own storms, and Oakland is Number One. Find a solution for Swisher (who shows promise, but also struggled) Johnson (who could come back to Earth) Kielty (hot for a while, but a very average player) and Payton (ditto.) With Zito, Bradley, the talented Antonio Perez, and possibly Frank Thomas on board, let's stand pat and give the ball to our horses. We're cheap enough right now.

(Note: horses are not only the youthful veteran Zito, but the nasty duo of Rich Harden and Dan Haren -- plus the wise, round Joe Blanton. Blanton, particularly, is deceptively good; why not thoroughly confuse opponents by setting your rotation according to differing styles, meaning:

Harden, Zito, Haren, Blanton, Loaiza.

In the Giants' case: Schmidt, Lowry, Morris, Cain, Henessey/etc.)

THE THE ANGELS ANGELS OF ANAHEIM:
Brilliant. This team sports the least impressive-looking Cy Young winner in recent history (Bartolo Colon), is built around a star who hit .050 in the Championship Series (Vlad Guerrero), and features an artful balance of beaten-up over-the-hills (Steve Finley, Darren Erstad, Orlando Cabrera -- an offensive downgrade from David Eckstein -- and Garrett Anderson, whose OPS was lower than Casey Blake's) and never-wuzzes (Dallas McPherson and Casey Kotchman.) All this just goes to show you why Chone Figgins should be getting a lot of MVP votes.

But if you see hope in the future of the young Angels infield, forget the smooth stroke of Kotchman or the powerful uppercut of McPherson. The Angels Single-A Rancho Cucamonga Quakes team featured a middle-infield duo that did this:

Shortstop: .321-43-115 (.307, 14 HR in 114 Arizona Fall League at-bats)
Second Base: .384-12-47 (.342-7-42 in Double-A; 25 total steals; .388, .612 SLG in 116 AFL at-bats)

Boy, are these guys good. The shortstop is Brandon Wood, one of the game's best prospects, and his pal is Howie Kendrick. The game is also about playing smoothly together -- see Angles '02, Marlins '03, or for negative examples, the above New York Mets comparisons -- so Wood and Kendrick may already have an advantage when they hit the Show.

LAAofA may have some major flaws, but everyone else in that division is working from behind the 8-ball -- Texas can't keep the ball in the park, the A's can't get the wallet out of the pocket, and Seattle is simply trying to be less bad -- so that means the immovable Sciocsia again has his finger nearest the button.

LA DODGERS:

At least they got rid of the numbers guy. You know, they guy who figured the clubhouse doesn't matter, then watched the game's best record turn into Banshee Night on the WWE. Now the new new sherriff in town, Ned Coletti (the fifth GM in 10 years for the franchise with two managers, Alston and Lasorda, over a span of 44) has seen fit to replace Jim Tracy with Grady Little, plus reshape the entire infield, just for starters. Results?

Mixed. Little deserved another shot after the way he was skewered in Boston, but Tracy's steady leadership will be missed, and Little doesn't appear to have much that Tracy didn't give them already. Of course, if you ask Billy Beane, former mentor to exiled GM Paul DePodesta, the manager's nameplate might as well read "Mickey Mouse," so let's move on.

Here's a team who already had a Gold Glove shortstop who may be a .300 hitter (Cesar Izturis), and replaced him with a mouthy, free-swinging miscast leadoff man with a handful of DUI's (Rafael Furcal.) Furcal's arm is a pleasure to see, and he can still run, and perhaps outhit the nascent Izturis. Bill Mueller may not add much to fantasy sheets, particularly in Chavez, but should at least provide the stability they lacked. Kent did well to last this long at second base, and seemed ready to move to first upon Izturis' return from injury -- until the Dodgers played the famous "big star with question marks signed to play out of position" card, with Nomar Garciaparra.

Nomar should be solid, if not the world-beater he once was as a younger man in a smaller yard. But with Furcal unleashing bebes from short and Kent's famously modest range next to Nomar, the Dodgers may have invited their old problem: inconsistent defense. The recently signed Kenny Lofton still has enough in the tank to contribute on offense -- though he should drop 30 points just on the move from Philly to L.A. -- but has lost range on defense and is terrible going back on the ball, meaning a lot of doubles and triples in the spacious Chavez outfield. In left, the Dodgers seem unable to decide about Jason Werth, whose production and defense is likely on a par with the rest of the league, including whomever they get to replace him.

With Gagne still recovering and his various apprentices pulling Nuke LaLoosh imitations, the bullpen is a mess, so with their average staff, the Dodgers mimick San Diego as contenders only in the weakest of fields. This division remains there for the taking.

AND
And if the A's get the Big Hurt, the Giants had better find a way to talk Texas into Alfonzeliz and a prospect for Brad Wilkerson.

AND
Another load of deep brown poo on the House of White, as BushCo moves to strike Cuba from the fledgling World Baseball Classic. With Piazza joining the Italian squad, A-Fraud bowing to the suits by bowing out completely, and Bonds waddling through a pre-Spring comeback, the Classic is already enough of a joke without one of its greatest entrants being strongarmed back to the Caribbean.

Of course, according to Senator Barbara Boxer and others, Bush has just become the first sitting president to admit in broad daylight to an impeachable offense, so if we can't get Cuba in, or Karl Rove out, there may still be better entertainment out of Washinton this summer than watching Charpee Selig hand out kickbacks to potential Nats buyers.

AND
Why don't I listen to more country music?

Country singer Kenny Chesney, recently divorced by actress Renee Zellweger, says the split has caused him immense pain. The event was so traumatic, says Chesney, that it was "like opening the door to your house and having someone come in and take your big-screen TV off the wall during the big game, and there's nothing you can do about it."

Wow.

AND
AND, while it's true that 30,000 pieces of mail being delivered to the IRS was spilled into San Francisco Bay this autumn when their truck was hit on the San Mateo Bridge, YOU can't prove I was anywhere in the area.

MR

QWTOFDY
"The Contras are the moral equivalent of our Founding Fathers."
-Ronald Reagan